We almost burned down the vineyard this weekend, and right after a rainfall no less. We tried to drill a hole in one of our end posts to install a new guide wire and did so with a zeal normally reserved for crusades and the unexpected coming of an ice-cream man. We prodded, pushed, and screamed the drill through the wood buying slow inch after slow inch. Smoke bled from the blackened hole we were creating spinning in the air with the quiet confidence of a government audit. The progress was painful and even comical until we realized one inescapable truth… the drill was on reverse and bore its way through the wood not through efficient design but through sheer will power and two batteries. The embarrassment was as palpable as the tension you feel when you don’t tip the guy in the washroom who needlessly dispensed soap for you.
You see we’ve tried to give our vineyard a modernized facelift. This weekend we wanted to replace all of the hardware on our trellis system so it could handle more weight when all the vines start bearing fruit. Of course this involved a bevy of manly tasks from drilling, to hole poking, to awkward sighs of exasperation. Once completed though, the vineyard would look quite keen… but also… kind of slanted (more on this later). We started of course with replacing the ends of each guide wire with a sturdy … thingamagig. This meant clearing out some holes we had previously drilled but misused. Unfortunately for us though, these holes were inhabited by vile, unrelenting pestilence. Earwigs, spiders, and unknown miniaturized shelled beasts vomited and tumbled out of our old holes as we pushed our new hardware through. It wasn’t for the faint of heart. Once completed though, the new hardware has made for a much more sturdy trellis system. It has also however given all of our posts a casual lean because of the newfound tension put on the end posts. If other vineyards walked by our leaning and smoking trellis, they would think us to be the cool kids in highschool.
We didn’t stop at hardware though, we finally mulched as well. Twenty bags of cedar mulch were scattered about around the vine rows. If nothing else, the vineyard now smells as glorious as an old cigar box. The mulch serves as a weed deterrent for us, which will save us a mountain of labor later. It further serves to absorb moisture so we will have to water less as well. This is our hope anyways, the Internet tells us things so we do it. If we fail, it won’t be for lack of effort but it could be from our foolish autodidacticism.