“What do you mean it’s not called a ‘missile toe’?”

It’s the holiday season at Table Flip, a time of reflection, idiocy, and wine we didn’t make. We’ve had a good year, all things considered. For the cost of only a couple thousand dollars, we’ve managed to create something of little substance with an enormous investment of time. While scouring the Internet, we found an old Latin proverb that we’ve adopted for ourselves and it seems most fitting: “parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus” which roughly translates tomountains will be in labour, and an ridiculous mouse will be born”. In essence, it means we’ve put in a lot of work and the result will be ridiculous. That being said, I think its time we thanked those who have helped us so far for all they have done to make something so silly so possible. Without these people, this would have remained another dead idea in the elephant graveyard of empty promises that is the result of most nights of heavy drinking.

To my Father and Step-Mother: Thanks for letting us tear up your property with a vigor normally reserved for the fifteen seconds of excitement you get when you first hear the ice cream truck before realizing you don’t want ice cream. Sorry we keep breaking tools, I swear its not on purpose although I realize that seems hard to believe.

To my Mother, Betty Anne, and Grandmother: Thanks for your support, but you know this is a bad idea right?

To Chris: Thank you for keeping an even keel while I vomited ideas at you like when you open an old closet forgetting you’ve rammed it full of refuse.

To Wylie: Thanks for getting ants up your pants, no really. I will cherish the memory forever.

To Jen: Thanks for being just insane enough to talk to the plants, you’re a nut bar you know that right?

To Jane:  Thanks for bringing that big red rock-pounding tool, there’s just no good way to say that.

To Alex: Thanks for letting us ruin your car by filling the trunk with topsoil. I’d like to say it’s not the silliest thing we did to that car, but I’d be lying.

To Marnie, Ben, Terri-Lynn, Derek, Sian (day-labourers): Thanks for taking a day out of your lives so we can relive the indentured servitude of yesteryear.

To the deer: Despite your vial, despicable, and devilish nature, you ignored the vineyard entirely since we’ve erected that awful fence (see picture below). You even ignored the gaping 12 ft entrance we allowed to exist. I swear next year we will build a real fence, one that you can be proud to say “[expletive deleted] that noise! I am not going trying to cross that thing!” For you, I tribute a lovely video by Louis CK, you’re welcome.


To the ants: Thanks for quietly evicting yourself. I didn’t have a printer to print out the notice myself.

See you in 2013 people of the Internet, I swear we’ll have more positive things to write about, but then again where’s humor without failure?

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14 thoughts on ““What do you mean it’s not called a ‘missile toe’?”

  1. FYI: Failure is not only a source of humor, but also a source of experience. But humor is more easily decanted, I know. 🙂 Happy New Year, BTW, and good luck for next year! Thanks for your support on my blog. It really means a lot!

    If I may make a suggestion: name one of your wines “ridiculus mus”. I would so totally pay for that… and drink it! I was hoping to find a mouse drawing or picture by Edward Lear who is a writer of silly poems, and a phenomenal artist. So of course, we remember the silly poetry. At any rate, I did not find a mouse in my first blush search, but I did find a rather different animal.

    I have to say it is the most beautiful picture of a weasel I’ve seen in a while. Though I admit, it’s not as classic as Kiki. 😉

    • It’s true, humor is more easily decanted (appreciate the pun) but we did learn a lot this year.

      That is a fine idea… and I can just imagine the bottle now. You have a great blog and I look forward to reading it in 2013! We’ll be sure to send you a bottle when the time comes for your support as well 🙂

      Happy New Year!

      P.S. That is a beautiful weasel (not a phrase I thought I’d ever have to say haha)

      • Yes. I think it takes a finely tuned sense of humor to make a weasel so beautiful. 🙂

      • I would be honored to receive wine! Though I will warn you– receiving wine in the mail where I live is illegal. (Not making this up) So you will have to send two bottles– one for myself, and one for the friends who will receive it in the mail for me (which oddly, is not illegal. Go figure.) You just made my year!

  2. Ack! I really should have done an editorial pass before posting. But… it’s new years, and I was up… um, rather late, and there was rather a lot of wine involved– not just the bubbly.

    • Wouldn’t have it any other day.

      • LOL. Yeah… as if I only stay up late with friends, drinking lots of wine only once a year… 😛 Though… it was more wine, and much later than usual for *some* reason. I got away with it because they let me crash in the guest room.

        It is good to have friends…

      • Truth! The “day” was actually an autocorrect, I’m posting from an iPhone. I meant to say way ;). We had quite a few bottles ourselves.

      • LOL. Some day I will write a silly blog post on the absurdities of autocorrect-ed communication. However, between my flagrant wine tasting and some further experimentation in the realm of instant cake I will have fodder to last me a little while. 🙂 I hope you enjoyed yours a good deal! I sure did mine!

      • Actually… fuzzy head strikes again. It is not illegal to send us wine, only for us to *buy* it online. Sigh.

  3. Ok, it’s almost a month into 2013 and I need my dose of snarky, drunken humor. All you’ve left me with is with a grateful, sappy post here. Talk about residual sugar.

  4. Don’t give up!

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