Harts of Darkness

It appears our ruse de guerre in the form of a ramshackle fence is holding the deer at bay. Scattered footprints have littered the ground up to the fence lines, but while most of the prints seem just curious proddings, no attack has been mounted… yet. We must prepare our defenses though; the coming season will present a field of “soft targets” for the deer, as our vines shall burst through the ground with vigor previously unknown. A new season should produce a much better result with our growing but still meager competence. Hopes have run high while we drown in our competitor’s far superior potables. Grandiose plans have been laid out to make this season a success, some involved celebrity sponsorship, dignified sign holding, or reciting now defunct beat poetry. None however can even hold a candle for what we have in store for our “deer friends”.

Enough with deadwood parapets, I’ve had it up to here *gestures madly* with twine. Two words shall strike fear into the hearts of our enemies, Split. Rail. Hammer, nails, shovels, and picks shall turn our peaceful ground into a no man’s land. They will speak only in hush whispers (deers can whisper, right?) of the towering wood ramparts. Two and a half feet down we will dig every post and eight inch vicious looking spikes shall bind it together. My Pater Familius has offered his services on the project to, and I quote, “make sure it ends up being a square”. Obviously a knock on the previous levels of quality we’ve been able to achieve.  Here’s hoping we create something that “doesn’t make [him] gouge his eyes out”. Will split rail be enough? Doubtful, so we must also utilize two of my favorite words (when spoken individually): chicken wire. The bane of every paper mache artist’s existence and hopefully a hatred also shared by smaller more feisty pests like rabbits, gophers, or tiny solicitors. We will fasten it to cover everything below the bottom rungs of the fence sealing it off. There will be no tiny solicitors, not on my watch.

This endeavor may end up being the most expensive undertaking of the project so far, but spite is the most powerful motivator… and I love spite.

Example!!

Example!!

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

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12 thoughts on “Harts of Darkness

  1. Oh yeah, spite works wonders! LOL

  2. Erin A Butler

    Wait, why would you cook a meal because of spite? Are you guys going to split the rails yourself? Because that would be worthy of video footage and bleeping of all the naughty words.

  3. David Wylie

    Bring it on. Those ants had better not reappear when the snow melts though, or we’ll have to get drastic.

  4. Drinking my first Baco Noir from Umpqua Valley, Oregon (2011 Giradet). This is what you’re growing, no?

    • Why yes! Thoughts?

      • It’s pretty grapey for me, although I’m willing to keep drinking it to see if it will grow on me. I’m nothing, if not persistent. I’d like to try some other labels and compare. What are the qualities that drew you to it?

      • Well frankly it’s cold resistance is very high, so there’s that. In terms of grapeness, I’d try Henry of Pelham’s, some of their vintages can be beautifully earthy.

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