It’s the holiday season at Table Flip, a time of reflection, idiocy, and wine we didn’t make. We’ve had a good year, all things considered. For the cost of only a couple thousand dollars, we’ve managed to create something of little substance with an enormous investment of time. While scouring the Internet, we found an old Latin proverb that we’ve adopted for ourselves and it seems most fitting: “parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus” which roughly translates to “mountains will be in labour, and an ridiculous mouse will be born”. In essence, it means we’ve put in a lot of work and the result will be ridiculous. That being said, I think its time we thanked those who have helped us so far for all they have done to make something so silly so possible. Without these people, this would have remained another dead idea in the elephant graveyard of empty promises that is the result of most nights of heavy drinking.
To my Father and Step-Mother: Thanks for letting us tear up your property with a vigor normally reserved for the fifteen seconds of excitement you get when you first hear the ice cream truck before realizing you don’t want ice cream. Sorry we keep breaking tools, I swear its not on purpose although I realize that seems hard to believe.
To my Mother, Betty Anne, and Grandmother: Thanks for your support, but you know this is a bad idea right?
To Chris: Thank you for keeping an even keel while I vomited ideas at you like when you open an old closet forgetting you’ve rammed it full of refuse.
To Wylie: Thanks for getting ants up your pants, no really. I will cherish the memory forever.
To Jen: Thanks for being just insane enough to talk to the plants, you’re a nut bar you know that right?
To Jane: Thanks for bringing that big red rock-pounding tool, there’s just no good way to say that.
To Alex: Thanks for letting us ruin your car by filling the trunk with topsoil. I’d like to say it’s not the silliest thing we did to that car, but I’d be lying.
To Marnie, Ben, Terri-Lynn, Derek, Sian (day-labourers): Thanks for taking a day out of your lives so we can relive the indentured servitude of yesteryear.
To the deer: Despite your vial, despicable, and devilish nature, you ignored the vineyard entirely since we’ve erected that awful fence (see picture below). You even ignored the gaping 12 ft entrance we allowed to exist. I swear next year we will build a real fence, one that you can be proud to say “[expletive deleted] that noise! I am not going trying to cross that thing!” For you, I tribute a lovely video by Louis CK, you’re welcome.
To the ants: Thanks for quietly evicting yourself. I didn’t have a printer to print out the notice myself.
See you in 2013 people of the Internet, I swear we’ll have more positive things to write about, but then again where’s humor without failure?